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Arnold jokes "Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's
just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about
running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush." -Jay Leno
"Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school
system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad
that its graduates are willing to vote for me." -Conan O'Brien
"Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his
lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess." -Jay Leno
"Arnold was on the 'Today' show today, he was a little light on specifics.
He said he could solve California's $38 billion budget deficit, without
cutting spending or raising taxes because there was a third way. What is
it? Let's just say it involves a robot going back in time to convince Gray
Davis to go into dentistry." -Bill Maher
"President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not,
because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a
Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all." -Bill Maher
"Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for
governor since Janet Reno." -David Letterman
"Critics say Arnold has no previous government experience, but advisers say
he's clearly the most qualified Austrian, ex-Mr. Universe in the race."
-Craig Kilborn
"Even Arnold's adviser says he was shocked by his decision to run. I mean,
his people were backstage that night and they had no idea. He totally
fooled them. Who knew Arnold was that good of an actor? If he had done that
in a movie, he'd have an Academy Award by now." -Jay Leno
"People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving
Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual
relationship with his own wife." -Craig Kilborn
"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on
our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff didn't know, I
was shocked as everyone else. If he doesn't get elected governor, maybe he
should work for the CIA. I mean, he can keep a secret better than they
can." -Jay Leno
"Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of
California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now
live in the second flakiest state in the country." -Conan O'Brien
"Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a
successful politician in this country even if English is your second
language." -Conan O'Brien
"The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for
governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more
vowels, four more vowels.'" -Craig Kilborn
"They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his
brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger." -Craig Kilborn
"If Arnold is elected, you know who I'd feel sorry for? The people on death
row. Imagine, you're about to be executed, the governor calls, you think
it's your reprieve, and you hear 'Hasta la vista, baby.'" -Jay Leno
"Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I
can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of
here.'" -Craig Kilborn
"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least
that's what everybody thinks he said." -David Letterman
"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't
pronounce Schwarzenegger." -David Letterman
"Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience
was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of
Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only
responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do
anyway." -Jon Stewart
"Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to
throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know, it's started already. Today,
they released the one thing that could really hurt Arnold. Turns out he
once starred in a movie with Tom Arnold." -Jay Leno
"Finally, a candidate who can explain the Bush administration's positions
on civil liberties in the original German." -Bill Maher, on Arnold
Schwarzenegger
"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor. He's got a
great slogan - 'Vote for me, or I'll make 'Kindergarten Cop II....He's got
a really stiff opponent - the English language."' -Craig Kilborn
"Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It
looks like he's not gonna run. But I'll tell ya, if Arnold does run, he
better get on the ballot, because you don't want a write-in with a name
like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because people will go - 'Schwarz, schwarz, oh
Davis is easier.'" -Jay Leno
"The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to
run for governor. You know what would be better? Arnold should do what he
does in the Terminator movies. He should go back in time and prevent Gray
Davis from ever being born. That way you wouldn't have the problem." -Jay Leno
"There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he
is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he is definitely going to
run for governor. Arnold is smart. He's in Mexico campaigning with the very
people who'll be living here by election time." -Jay Leno
"I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold
Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went 'Booo!
Booo!' and was throwing stuff. I had to say 'Governor Davis just shut up
and sit down!'" -Jay Leno
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